For all these years, I’ve always cared deeply about how others see me, and I’ve cared deeply about success. It was as if only through my success could others appreciate and understand me.
I was laid off recently and have been unemployed for a little over a week now. I’ve been constantly worried that people might think differently of me, but when I stop to think about it, most people don’t really have any particular opinion of me—at most, they might offer some life advice. The real problem lies within myself.
I’m really worried about being unemployed, and I’m terrified that I won’t be able to find a job in the future. I originally intended to take some time to adjust, but things have escalated to the point where I now spend my days sleeping just to escape reality, and my sleep schedule has become completely reversed.
It suddenly occurred to me: am I living my life a little too rigidly? The first time I heard someone say this to me was from my college classmate, Xiao Zhuang. I think it was during a group project—I was determined to single-handedly bring the entire group’s work to absolute perfection. Xiao Zhuang told me, “You’re trying too hard. You don’t need to push yourself that much—it’s time to take a break. I used to do the same thing, but it didn’t do any good.” At the time, I didn’t pay much attention to his opinion of me and continued to push myself toward that perfectionist ideal.
Another time was on my third day of unemployment, when I had dinner with a good friend, Xiao Wu. We talked about how many of our friends had been studying full-time for the civil service exam for two or three years without working. It really struck me—aren’t they afraid of having a gap in their work history or falling out of touch with society? Xiao Wu said, “I don’t mean to judge whether what they’re doing is right or wrong, but I do think they’re definitely happier than I am. They don’t live as stressed out as I do. But honestly, I don’t really care that much either.”
I’ve been pushing myself too hard. It wasn’t until now—seven days after losing my job—that I truly realized this. My sleep has been disrupted, I’ve been feeling excessively sleepy, experiencing somatization, and have been in a state where I don’t want to do anything for several days now. I’ve also been in a state of distress for several days because well-meaning advice from others about my life has left me feeling overwhelmed. My mental state is very unhealthy. I’ve even started to doubt whether I chose the wrong major and whether my first job was the wrong choice, and I’ve begun to constantly fear that I’ll never be able to find a job in the future. I’m often consumed by internal turmoil—my heart pounds nonstop, my hands shake constantly—I’m just too tense. I really am living too tensely. My subconscious has set the bar way too high for me—that desire to stand out from the crowd, that drive for success, the need to do everything perfectly, and the urge to surpass my family of origin.
But given my personal capabilities, if the overall environment continues to be this bad, will I still be able to break through? Will I still be able to fight against fate by the time I turn 30? Come to think of it, trying to tackle structural problems on my own—isn’t that like an egg hitting a rock, shattering the moment it makes contact? This seems like something beyond my control. For ordinary people, it’s as if everything we do is just like picking a seat on the Titanic—whether it’s choosing a major or looking for a job. When you think about it, there really isn’t much point in feeling anxious. On the contrary, I think living in the moment might be a more cost-effective approach.
Buffett once said during a speech to college students: “Students, do work that you enjoy. If you keep taking jobs you don’t like just to make your resume look better, you’re making a big mistake.” Once, during a speech I gave, I asked a 28-year-old Harvard student what his plans for the future were. He said, “After I graduate with my MBA, I’ll join a consulting firm first to add some weight to my resume.” I replied, “You’re only 28, and you already have such an impressive work history—your resume is already ten times better than anyone else’s. yet you still want to keep doing work you don’t like. Doesn’t that feel like saving your sex life for later, to be used when you’re older? Sooner or later, you should all do what you truly want to do.”
After watching this, I realized that some people are so focused on winning that they forget about happiness. Think about it—what’s the goal for so many people who work and join big companies? Isn’t it ultimately to achieve a happy life? So why not just live in the moment and enjoy the happiness right now? Take Professor Zhang Xuefeng, whom I admire most, as an example. The fact that he has passed away reminds us that life is unpredictable. In the face of fate beyond our control, what we choose to study or whether our careers are successful may not matter at all.
